Leadership, Submission, and Abuse in Marriage

Praise the Lord, brothers and sisters. Thank God for this beautiful morning that He's given us, and we see that it's slowly coming to fall, slowly, slowly. And actually, I'm pretty excited for that, for the crisp air. But today, for this service, I wanted to open it up by reading Matthew chapter 18, verse 20. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there in the midst of them. And as we see here, Christ's presence—it is promised. Jesus assures us as believers that He is spiritually present whenever we gather in His name, no matter how small the group. And we also see that community matters. The verse it it tells us that faith isn't meant to be practiced only in isolation, and even the smallest assembly is a true church gathering. So that being said, brothers and sisters, let's stand up and pray. Lord God, we thank you for this morning you've given us today. Lord, we thank you for this congregation you've given us for this church. Lord God, we thank you so much, God, that we're able to come here peacefully and to serve you and to glorify your name. Lord, we thank you so much, God, and we pray and we ask for your blessing on the preaching today, on the message today, Lord, and on the singing. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen. And for our first song, we'll be singing "As the Deer Pants." As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul longs after you. You alone are my heart's desire, and I long to. To worship You, You alone are my strength, my shield. To You alone may my spirit yield. You alone are my heart's desire, and I long to worship You. You're my friend, and You are my brother. Even though you are a king, I love you more than any other. So much more than anything. You alone are my strength, my shield. To you alone may my spirit yield. You alone are my arms. Desire and I long to worship You. I want You more than gold or silver. Only You can satisfy. You alone are the real joy giver and the apple of my eye. You alone are my strength. My shield, to You alone may my spirit yield. You alone are my heart's desire, and I long to worship You. You alone are my strength, my shield. To You alone may my spirit yield. You alone are my heart's desire, and I long to worship You. Alone are my heart's desire, and I long to worship You. And for our second song, we'll be singing, "I worship You, Almighty God." I worship you, Almighty God. There is none like you. I worship you, O Prince of Peace. That is what I long to do. I give. Give you praise, for you are my righteousness. I worship you, Almighty God. There is none like you. I worship you, Almighty God. There is none like you. I worship. You, O Prince of Peace, that is what I long to do. I give you praise, for you are my righteousness. I worship you, Almighty God. There is none like you. I worship you, Almighty God. Almighty God, there is none like You. I worship You, O Prince of Peace. That is what I long to do. I give You praise, for You are my righteousness. I worship You, Almighty God. God, there is none like You. Praise God. Well, friends, we're going to get into our topic, our podcast series for today about marriage is going to be our last. Series or our last week for that topic. So we passed out on the way here some papers. If you guys have questions that that you want to ask our speakers, then please either pass it down to to me. You you're welcome to walk up and just give me that paper, or you can raise your hand. We can give you the mic, or if you just raise your hand and you have a piece of paper, we can have Dima. Like you'd be willing to go and pick up the papers, okay, and pass it down to us. So this week we're getting a little bit more deeper into the discussion. There's a lot of questions that couples ask, and I think it's beneficial for those who are thinking of. Making that step into marriage, those who are already engaged and gonna be married, and especially those who are already married, this God willing will be an eye opening and good biblical advice to all of us. To all of us, so let's pay attention. And I'm gonna do some announcements because usually we always run out of time. So. So Tuesday, like we have some background music for my announcements. So Tuesday, we we're going to be cooking at the shelter. So those who want to serve, let me know, and we'll be there from three o'clock at the at the interfaith shelter. That'll be Tuesday. Tuesday at 9 a.m. We do have Bible reading. It's at the Disciples Coffee. It's by the Fairgrounds. If you guys need the address, let me know. We do have people who come, but if you want to join, come up to me. Let me know. It's by the Fairgrounds called Disciples Coffee. We also have Bible study here Thursdays at six o'clock. I think that is about it. I always forget the important ones, so hopefully I'll remember them. But let's take these few minutes to meet and greet, and we'll set up, and then we'll start our or continue our topic. God bless. Okay, so we'll be taking our seats and we'll be starting soon. So based on that watch, we are here very early for some reason. It shows 7:45 a.m. So good job, everybody. Okay. Well, last week we didn't have service. A lot of people went to camp, and now we're back. And the week before that, we had the part one of marriage, and we talked about the statistics of of marriages that fail, and it's a very high number. And a lot of people they ask questions, but they either get no answers or the wrong answers. And we want to, we want to biblically give the right advice, so we can all take it into our lives and into our marriages, and also share these videos with those who maybe are just beginning to take that step into marriage, are already married. So these. Videos you can share. You can go to our website. It's called ms dot church, ms dot church, not dot com, but dot church, and you will find all our topics, podcast series, and our marriage topic. So we do have people watching us online this morning. I had a few people that that wrote to me. So may God bless all of those who are watching us online, and all of us who are here this morning. Let's have our speakers introduce themselves again. So those who were, those who are new, can can know who our speakers are. If you guys do have a question to a certain speaker, just just say I have a question for you. Go ahead. So I'm Vasili and my wife Svetlana. We've I think we've still been married for 22 years. It changes, you know, every year. And I I didn't hear about it, so it probably I probably didn't miss our anniversary yet. Okay, Peter and Zoya, introduce yourself, please. Okay, so I'm Peter. Zoya, we've been married for eighteen, I believe, and we do have eight children, so we're a big family. And one child is in heaven, so seven here on earth. But that's a little bit about us. Amen. And we're gonna also have our senior pastor join us in this conversation. Our other guests were not able to make it this morning, but we will continue. So, last week we went through just kind of the the overall questions on marriage. It wasn't too deep. We talked about what makes a perfect marriage. So, so those who want to know this stuff, just go on our website, like I said, and you can listen to our part one. What is the biblical purpose of marriage? And we talked about how it's a reflection of Jesus getting married to his bride, and we as now married or to be married couples are to reflect that image throughout the life because God made marriage sacred, and it's between one man and one woman. So, if you guys also want to know more about that, you guys can go back to our. Topic, and we also heard what was the things that kept their marriage strong. This time we'll con continue and is going to be what do biblical or what does or do biblical leadership and submission look like in a healthy marriage, and how can these principles be misunderstood or misused? The reason why this question arises because people use misuse this, and I want to read it in Ephesians five, twenty two through twenty eight. It says like this: Wives, submit to your own husbands, and that's it. No, okay. Let's let's start reading because because for some reason a lot of the guys stop over there, like as if the Bible just ended and that was it. But let's actually read further. Okay, wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, okay, guys. Love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. This question arises many times. What does biblical leadership in a family look like? And I want to ask this question too. We'll start with Vassili. So you cannot have one without the other. If so, what kind of leader are you if nobody submits to you? I mean, you could be a tyrant, a dictator, but we're talking about biblical. Leadership and there's a lot of leaders, but there's not enough fathers. So, so everybody wants to bark orders. But if nobody is submitting to you, you're not a leader. You're you know you're either a dictator or or or you're just a nobody. But then, how do you submit? How does a wife submit if there is no leader? So so so you need both. For it to be biblical, and if we use Jesus as an example, at what age did Jesus become a leader? When he was a kid, you know, playing with his peers, was there people following him? No. You know, when he started to feed the people, when he started to heal them, when he was was teaching them, that's when a crowd began to follow him. He became a leader, and he even came in clutch at a wedding when there was no more wine left over, and they're like, his mom is like, hey. We need a miracle. So, notice how a woman gave Jesus a push start. Jesus did say, "My time has not come yet," but that was his first miracle that was recorded, and there he he he started this servant leadership. So, not all men are good leaders out of the box right after a marriage. There is some assembly required, and women, you don't have to submit blindly. Set your husband up to be a leader, and then submit. Take Mary, the mother of Jesus, as as an example. She she helped him up, and then, boom, he was a leader. So so wives, so a biblical leadership from a man would be a servant leadership, where he uses his strength to provide for his wife for his family. He he needs to be honest. He needs to be humble. He needs to value the wife over himself. Obviously, to protect and to watch her, and then be and then be submitted to Jesus yourself. Because if you if you're not submitted to Christ. The thing kind of falls apart. I mean, your wife might submit, but there's there's going to be some difficulties. And then also, the wife, when the wife submits to her husband, she she is not. I know this world wants to think if you submit, then you're you're a nobody. But the way it works in the Bible is, once a wife submits to her husband, she's actually raised up to his equal. They're now equals. Let me give you an example. When when a man submits to Jesus Christ. He is equal to Jesus Christ because Jesus brings them out of sin. He brings them out out of this bondage. He gives them power, the Holy Spirit. Now he's got strength. He's got some Holy Spirit that lives in his heart. Right? He becomes an equal. Same thing with Jesus when he submits to his Father, God the Father. Jesus is now next. To to the Father, so it's not a system of oppression. It's actually a system to bring us wicked people up up closer to to to be like God. Okay, and Peter, what does biblical leadership look like to you in the family? So I would say I'm in agreement with Vasily that we all submit, and even the leader in the household, which the Bible says is the father or the the husband, he also submits. He's not the ultimate leader; he has to submit to God. That's one thing to remember that we all submit to something. I would say that it's important to remember that a marriage is a partnership. And that the strongest marriages are when a husband understands that they are partners, and the Bible calls it that she's a co-hair, meaning that that she's like she's a hair or. Not like in your head, which could be that too, but maybe all your hairs. But a co-hair, I mean that she's an equal partner, and that's important to remember. But someone has to make the last decision in a family, and that's where the husband comes in. I, you know, it's not a a leadership of one, because if it's a leadership of one, it's actually a weak marriage. You want to have input, just like in a company. You know, I come from a business world. In a company, you can have the president, and then you have the VP. If the president is the only one that makes all the decisions. Never asks the VP. That's a pretty weak business. Like, what's the point? But the fact that you have the VP, and I'd say the wife is the VP of the household. When the husband is gone, she runs the household, right? And and and they they talk to each other, and she provides advice. And I want that advice. I sometimes I tell her just don't be like the yes person. Like, oh no, you make it. I want to hear your opinion. And that's really important to be able to listen to that because a lot of times she can give really good advice that doesn't come into your head, and but ultimately in the end she allows you to make that decision, and I think that's where the healthy marriage is. And sometimes if you even make the wrong decision, it's okay, it's okay. But she if she still allows you to do. Because then you ultimately correct in the future, but that's how the the marriage a biblical marriage is that I find in the Bible, where she's a co-heir, so her advice is very important, and and it's a partnership, and that's why that family can be strong. So before before I ask the wives, we read Ephesians five, and it says, "Husband, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church." And gave himself for her. So, Peter, I'll go back to you. What does that mean? Yeah. Well, the Bible obviously speaks of a woman being more gentle. Like for me, I don't really need to hear that. I, you know, I love you all the time, because I'm a pretty independent person, and just the way that, but for her, for me, it was a surprise that she needs to hear that a lot, right? And I'm probably one of those people that you hear the jokes about that I told you, I love you at the wedding day, and if anything changes, you know, I'll let you know, but. But I've learned that she needs to hear that that confirmation. And actually, when I think about it, a lot of times we as men that could be that strong. Yet we want to hear from God that He also approves of what we do. So from that higher authority that's above us, like we want to make sure that we're doing a good job. It's almost like hearing that God says, "I do love you." Often, right? We don't want to just hear it once, and so that's where, for husbands to love their wives, to to treat them in that more as a gentle, we have to learn that, and we have to apply that because they are different from from men. Yeah, and so the reason why, like, I ask this question is because there there are wives who feel like their husbands are the dictators. Like how I said it, that's how it's going to be. And my question to to Vasily is when. Like, are there should there be times where it's how I said it? That's how it's gonna be. And then there's obviously the times where it's okay. Let's you accept her advice, or is it always how I said it? That's how it's gonna be. Is that the kind of leadership the Bible talks about, where it says to to love your wives like that? Yeah. So so it should probably be the highest level of love, which be sacrificial, where the guy, where the man is. Sacrificed like Christ did, he he put her need, her safety, above his. Now, I do. Do we have time? Hold on a second. Like I actually like what you just said because you just like said it real quick. He put her needs and her safety above himself. Okay, go on. So, so, so, so there's a. This is a true story out of Seattle. There's a couple that was running a business, and I'll try to go quick. It's a long story, and there there was one a time when the man, where the husband wanted to do a certain business decision that would ruin his business. The wife saw it beforehand, and she told him, "No, don't do it this way. Our our business is going to crash. Do it this other way." And of course, they had an argument, and ultimately, she stood her ground and she won. And actually, the business took off. I mean, what he wanted to do was going to destroy it completely. So she did not submit in that. She won, and that business took off. They both did not have to work anymore. They had they had hired employees, and he he ran away with secretary. Of that company, of his own company, and then, so, who lost? Eventually, so she did. She was left with the family. He was able to weasel money out of, and so he kept the business. He he got himself a new, younger wife. If she was to allow him make that decision, could I mean he could be a rotten guy, and he or maybe God wanted him to be to make this decision to run his business so into the ground and and the marriage could have been saved. So so submitting, I know is very hard for for a woman to do, but but sometimes you got to trust the Lord and and and do what it says. Did I answer a question with that story? Yeah. Yeah. Like indirectly, yes. And I want to ask now, Lana, and then Zoya, how do you guys see in your own life this verse being applied? Wives submit to your own husbands. That's question one. And how did you see it be a blessing when you did submit, or was it a blessing? And when you didn't, I know it might get a little personal, but you don't have to go into detail if you don't want to. So, so the question is: How did you use this Bible passage in your own submission to your husband, and how did it affect your marriage? So, Lana, or I'll have Lana think. Zoya, please, please pick up the mic for now. Well, I think as like Christians, you don't you don't have to be scared. Like, oh, it's so scary. It's not it's not scary. Okay, we love God, you know. First of all, and in Christian marriages, that's you both love God. You so that's the most important thing. So you're walking in fear of God. There's nothing like scary about. Oh, I'm gonna submit to my husband. It's like, well, okay. So you love God. You want to make him happy. Okay, you love your husband. You want to make him happy. So there's nothing like too scary about it. Plus, as you know, as Christians and You know we do have a big family, so it's a lot going on, and and we both have a lot of responsibilities, and and and on the list goes and stuff. And so I'm thankful for Peter, for my husband, that you know he has the leadership role because it's a big role, it's a big responsibility, also a big burden. You know, and so God gave it to him, which I'm glad because I don't have to carry it myself. So you know, and so as you can see, his shoulders are bigger than mine. So I'm thankful that he can have the final answer. You know, so he was saying, yeah, we'll discuss and stuff. But sometimes, you know, if it's okay, so. We don't quite agree, but we can go with what he thinks. And I know God has blessed Peter, you know, you know, in many ways. And and so I'm thankful I can submit to his leadership. And and I think it's I'm I'm blessed with that. And even if it's not perfect, whatever God God helps us through. And as Christians, you know, if you're worried or whatever, okay, pray, pray. You know, bring your Bible says, bring like Psalm says, like. Bring your everything to the Lord, you know. So, like your heart, bring your heart. Like, whatever's on your heart, bring it to God. Pray, and then He He helps us. He comforts us, and He He leads us. Pray for your husband. Pray for your family. So, that's my answer. Okay. So I like. Like Zoya said, that by submitting is submitting to his leadership. So, I guess my question is: Do do you trust every decision that he makes? And those maybe decisions that you don't trust, do you still submit? In a way, do you still submit? Um. Yeah, because I know God will even God will God will work it out. So you trust God. You trust your husband, even if you're not like particularly in. You know, if you if you discussed it and you're like, okay, well, and then we're just gonna go by what what Peter thinks. So I think I mean I think God will still bless it because you know this is a command. Submit to your husband, and so you you'll be blessed. For that, and that, and that's in a biblical, you know, marriage. We're saying, you know, we've discussed it. This is biblical, like this is things that aren't like outside of the Bible or like unChristian or anything. This is just, you know, the stuff that doesn't go against the Bible or anything like that. So your, yeah, so that's fine. I mean, that's, yep. And over here, we're we're discussing how to have a blessed, strong, healthy marriage. So these tips are from people that have already a track record of being married, being tested, and they're they're giving their biblical input to to help all of the younger generations and also those who are currently married. So Lana, same question to you and Vasily. Maybe can translate. She she understands in Russian, so Vasily is going to translate for her. But how does this submission look like? Wife submit to your husband? Like how does it look like? Это же как в Библии написано, что повинуйтесь жены мужьям, как церковь повинуется Христу. It's It's written in the Bible as as the church obeys Jesus Christ, so does the wife obeys the husband. Как мы христиане, нам порою мы отказываемся от каких-то удовольствий, от каких-то желаний, и нам кажется, что что это несправедливо, что Бог требует от нас этого. Но позже мы понимаем, что That what it is for us Christians? And when, as we Christians, sometimes hold back on certain pleasures of this world because the Bible doesn't allow, and we could say, "Hey, how come they're having certain type of fun and we're not?" But then we realize that these restrictions that God puts on on the church or us certain, we Christians can't do certain things. It's actually for our own good. And later we find out, oh, if I would have done this, it would have been bad. And very similar to. When the wife obeys the husband. Okay, thank you. We will move on to the next question. So, this one's a little bit deeper, and a lot of marriages, will struggle with this one. And we, the reason why I wanted to start with the chapter in Ephesians because then it kind of brings everything into what's going to come next. What should I do when? What should you do when your spouse is verbally abusive? And over here, I wanted to also bring our pastor, our senior pastor, into these conversations because he does do a little bit of marriage counseling before couples do get married. So, like, we also want to hear his input. He's also been married for a long time, and we would love his input. So. I'm not going to to ask each person this question because because we need to move along. But what should you do when your spouse is verbally abusive, Pastor Henry? Oh, we need a mic for him. Sorry. I guess that's that's a tough question, but anyway, so we gotta deal with that as well. So when a person is verbal abusive, even though maybe there's going to be next question about physical abuse, verbal. When it happens verbally, there is not too much you can do about it. Yeah, I mean, you cannot discipline a person that is verbally abusive. So therefore, like it says in a Bible, if you see a fellow believer sinning in a way that does not lead to death, what does it mean? Does not lead to death. It's the sin that we commit. Let's say if we actually say something, that's one thing. But when we do something, that's another thing. While we're saying or we want to do something, that's is a sin, not to death. So we have to pray for that person, so that person actually would, so that God would change them. So verbally, again, verbally abusive. There is not too much you can do about it. Only you can pray for those people, and you can have maybe counseling in a way. You can come to a church, and if it's keep on going, you number one, you would tell to your husband or wife, don't do this. And if they are not listening, then you actually can come to the church and and say, well, that's what's going on in effect. Family, if you're not saying anything, what's going on in the family? You're being ashamed of it, then it's going to be keep on going. So you have to bring this to the church, and you have to resolve this. Otherwise, it's just going to keep on going. Actually, that's that's the best way to do it because we as a family, we're here to help each other. We're not here to hide our weaknesses. We come to the brothers, we talk about it, and we help. Each other out. First pray, then have counseling in a church. Yeah, and I think it's very important to. It's actually very important to deal with this first because it can, from verbal, go into physical. So let me ask just one of you guys, and then we will move on to the next slide, Vasili. So, can I define? Okay, can we define what verbal abuse is? So, it would be, or verbal or emotional. It would be using words, right, to harass, to insult, to yell. It could be used with curse words or regular words to billie to belittle somebody, to humiliate, to frighten, bullying, threatening, blaming, accusing, constant criticism, and you know even the silent treatment. For so, when a couple is doing in the middle of remodel and they get in a fight, do we do carpet or do we do this exotic hardwood floors? You know, the wife wants flooring that's fifteen bucks per square foot, and the husband wants a carpet that's only three dollars per square. You know, and they get in an argument, and and they might raise their voice, and like you're always so expensive, and you're like, well, you don't want nothing to look nice. That is not abuse. So so so when you do this, that's just a disagreement. That's just a disagreement. Yeah, and like in a marriage, you will disagree. If if you don't disagree, then you just don't live with each other. How they say so? So and verbal and emotional abuse is not exactly a marriage problem that you go and try to fix. It does cause problems in the marriage, but the abuser has a problem, and he needs to get it fixed between him and Christ. Right? We're talking about a biblical point of view. So. First, abuser needs to realize that he's that he's wrong. He needs to repent, and it's not simply asking for forgiveness. Sometimes, this problem of physical abuse comes from when the in-laws, or your parents, or your friends, or your siblings talk smack about your other half, and then you come home and you're like, "Hey, why are you always so you know?" This and this, because sometimes that information, your or your eyes are open when somebody else is talking about your spouse, and then you come home and you're trying to deal with it. You're trying to make him better. You want him to to change. At that moment, we would fix that where it's coming. Sometimes it's substance abuse. You know, he's a jolly sweet guy when he's sober. He's a mean guy when he's When he's drunk, you know we we're not fixing a marriage. We're trying to. We need to get what causes this. So a drunk guy who's being abusive, he needs to quit drinking. So so the victim, the biblical response would be to cover with love. It does say love covers many transgressions. The abuser wants to create a problem. You know they're going to use forceful words to try to try to get you to do something. Don't escalate with that same energy. Like, like why are you? You know, you piece of trash. Well, you're a piece of trash too. Don't put gas on fire. Don't put gas on fire. Use words to steer away. For example, like oh, you're foolish piece of trash, and and you're like well, you you might be right. But here, let's go have dinner and then we'll discuss it some more. You know or. Yeah, and then the abuse. So Proverbs actually says, kind answer soothes angry feelings, but harsh words stir them up. And then other passages talk about offering your other cheek, and then and then doing good things when when they are doing bad for you actually puts coal a hot coal on their head. You know they they kind of regret being mean to you. And then what the abuser needs to be is he needs to realize he's got a problem. He needs to repent. And if if I could use a broken glass example, so when abuser, we have one minute left. Breaks up glass, and he says, "Oh, I'm so sorry." You know, and and the wife forgives him. Okay, don't break the glass no more. Nobody cleans it up. Nobody replaces the glass. People are gonna walk. They're still gonna get cut. You break enough glass, then the only glass left is windows. You're gonna break the windows. You know, just a simple sorry. I won't do this. No, you you got to go back and fix it. Replace that glass. Replace that window pane. Same thing with a marriage. When when you're being abusive, come back. Not just say you're sorry, but come back and fix it. And then, can I read a Bible verse? It says Romans. Even as they do not like to retain God in their knowledge, God have given them to a debased mind to do these things which are not fitting, being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, malice. Full of envy, murders, strive to seat evil-mindedness. They are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful. Who, knowing the the righteous judgment of God, and those who practice such things are deserving of death. Not only do they. Same, but also approve of those who practice them. So, realize this: if you're a child of God, God will discipline you. If you're an abuser, if you're if God does not discipline you, you are not His child. And like we read, you deserve death, and you're going to hell. Okay, okay, Peter. Third question: What, what should you do when your spouse is physically abusive? So, here, if I could really quickly, because I think the verbal one is also important, I just wanted to add some things and then go to the physical, which will be a shorter answer. But maybe maybe it slows down the thing. But I thought it could. Be important. I would say that the verbal abuse is not a disagreement. It doesn't mean that you do not disagree and you're always just saying yes. So verbal abuse is basically personal attacks that diminish a person, break them down. Right. And so the Bible says, do not let any corrupt words come out of your mouth. So cussing at your those are corrupt. They're they're not. So they should not even exist in your marriage. And then everything that you do, even in your disagreement, your purpose is to build up. So as an example, in a company again, we disagree to make this partnership stronger. So I can tell my partner, or she can tell me. For example, if I'm eating unhealthy. She shouldn't just keep quiet, because if I go to my doctor, he'd say you're eating unhealthy. Right? Start eating healthier. You're gonna have a heart. Now she can tell me that, and I could get hurt. But it is to build up the partnership, to build this marriage. So these kind of things, they're good, and you should. Sometimes it hurts in a short run, but when you think about it, you're like, she's right. So, in a marriage, that's healthy. What's not healthy is when I say something. It's not to build a partnership up. It's to break that person down. That is against the scripture. So, this is what I would say about verbal abuse. When we're talking about physical abuse, I'll say. Typically, in a Christian families, we don't at least we don't hear much about that because people like even Zoya when she said when you're both trying to serve the Lord, that does typically does not happen in a Christian home. So we don't have any like. Direct experience, I would say, about that. But we do hear about it sometimes, and then that is where you you need to separate from that abusive environment. Either you go. We see an example in the scripture where they were married, and then there were big problems, and she left to to her parents' house. It's in the Old Testament, and so you need to separate from the issue. And I would say you need to get the church involved if you're part of the church. You get the pastors involved. They're going to try to figure this out. And until the other person is repentant and where the church sees that that environment is now healthy enough to come together, then that it doesn't mean that your marriage falls apart. It can still go through that. But that person that is doing that needs help. They need to be accountable. They need to be brought to accountability. And sometimes the church has to discipline that individual. And then that marriage is fixed. Okay. We don't have much time left, and we still have a few more questions. We'll get to you, Vassili. So, like, I want to ask this question to Pastor Henry, and the next one because we only have a few minutes left, and then we will get back to Vassili. So. So, Pastor Henry, physical abuse. Like I heard this like story, which kind of was like wow. There was this couple, and the mother she she accepted Christ. The father didn't, so the father would abuse her, abuse her. And like one time, she was at home, and he kicked her out of the house. And it was cold outside, and she had to sleep overnight on the porch. And then in the morning, he he had to go to work, and he opens the door, and and she's there, and she's the the first thing like she she says is honey, like what would you like to eat? That was her her answer, and then from that he accepted Christ, and he became a Christian. And that one little answer, he was rude, mean, but she answered him with love. Honey, what would you like to eat for breakfast? And he came to Christ. So a a soft word will turn away evil, Pastor Henry. Physical abuse, and also we're going to go into the next question: What does the Bible say about how to handle a spouse who continues watching inappropriate content that is hurting or tearing apart a marriage? So first, physical abuse, and then this. So physical abuse. Well, this scripture right here. It's not particularly talking about physical abuse, but the example that you give. In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husband. Is it your Christian husband? Actually, no. Then, even if some refuse to obey the good news, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over. So, a wife can win over husband by her conduct. But we live in a country. If a person does physical abuse for any other reason, well, if if he's unChristian and you try to bring him to God, you have to be clever about it. You have to be wise about it, like we had heard the situation. But at the same time, you can also use a warning and tell him if that's going to happen one more time, I'm going to call. Authority, and that will be stopped really quickly, because right now this is not only pertaining a Christian lifestyle. This is pertaining just a general husband and wife relationship. And if there is a physical abuse going on, you can give the warning. You can say, "I will talk to the church," and if it continues, well, I'm gonna actually call the authority. And then there is a really serious consequences. So, a husband. Will realize really quickly, but at the same time, what pastor team actually mentioned right now is that you can, if the husband is not non-Christian, you can win him over by your conduct. It is sometimes a sacrifice, but that's the sacrifice she made, and she won him. And that's what the Bible talks to us. That's the first Peter three one. So that's when it comes to that physical abuse. When it comes to watching pornography, same thing. For that, I will read the scripture where it says: I already read. If you see a fellow believer sinning in a way that does not lead to death, you should pray, and God will give that person life. But there is a sin that leads to death, and I'm not saying you should pray for those who commit it. So, what's the difference between a sin leads to death and sin does not leads to death? Sin that leads to death, it's mean that he's committed adultery, and now he's saying we're not saying to pray for that. You better and you better go and tell to the church. You you do whatever needs to be. Done, but there's some sins people can do that will may lead to that sin, a committed sin. That's the one that led to death. It's a pornography, yeah. And a person may be struggle. In here, it says you pray for those people, so they would not come to do the adultery and all. Other stuff. Number one, you pray. Number two, you confront that person. You tell that person that it hurts the marriage. I feel like you've been unfaithful to me. I'm gonna pray for you, and if it's still gonna continues, then I'm gonna do something about it. I'm gonna talk. I'm gonna go, and I'm gonna talk to the brothers in the church so they can help you, because that person needs a help. Person needs a help, and a wife or a husband seeing that person in a trouble. Number one, we confront, we pray, and things doesn't change. Then we come and talk to the church. We need to really help those people, and whatever it takes to help, you do it. Number one, it's pray. Number two, oh, it's not helping you. The prayer not helping you. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna step in. I'm gonna talk. The church, actually, well, not the whole church, but brothers who are responsible, and then we'll see if that person will be able to win over that temptation. So that's the way you can help that person out. Yeah. Another thing. That's why. First question. When it talks about submission, wife submits to the husband. The biblical submission is never forceful. It's always a willing submission. And same thing, everything in the Bible. If a person is struggle with pornography, how you can make him not to struggle? That person needs a help. He needs to come to the realization that he needs to stop this. It's. Also, willing thing when a person come to Jesus and say, "I need to be free from it." Everything what's done in Christianity, biblically, it's always willingly, never forceful, and that's how we get change. We're not just stop doing things; we get change. Yeah, and God can change any Russian heart. He's in the business of like he's in the salvage business. He takes the the broken heart, and he can renew it, and he can restore it. And by the prayer of the other spouse, God will start working on that person. He will start working on that person, and he will change that person. But It's going to be by the prayers and also how we heard Pastor Henry was saying. If he doesn't want to listen, if he's struggling, then come to the pastors, the leaders of the church. Share this information so the church can help that brother out. Vasili, we are already past two minutes, so one more minute. So all I got is two stories. Two stories. Let's do one. Let's go down the middle. One story. Okay, I'm gonna go really fast. Can I have please two stories? Okay, I'm so sorry. The first one is physical abuse. There was a couple in Ukraine. The wife became a Christian. The husband not, and he would beat her up once he's drunk. The pastor found out. He took two of his biggest guys. They they knocked at the man's door and said, Hey, she is now a child of Christ. She's our sister. And they kind of kind of pushed him against the wall and says, Do not ever lay another hand on her hand on her again. She's our sister. We will protect our family. That touched him so hard. He too came to know Christ. He's like, there's people that care for your family. And then pornography. This is a experience that I had in my life. One time, a friend called me. He's a coworker. Said, "Hey, Vasili, I'm on the brink of divorce. I was going through my phone. Who can I call? You're the only name that popped up." She goes, "He goes, What do I do? He goes, I'm addicted to pornography. My wife is gonna leave me. We're gonna break. What do I do?" And I'm like, "Oh Jesus! What do I? What do I tell him? I don't know. It was out of the blue." God put a couple things in my heart. I told them first of all, when you stumble, get back up, tell Jesus you're sorry every single time. Like there, you could read the Bible and pray really hard. You know when when you have the urge, but you're gonna you're gonna stumble again. So what you you get up, you ask Jesus for forgiveness, ask him again. Two, tell your wife about it. Tell her, a I'm struggling, I need help. Let's work this out. Find church that has a. A group thing that that helps men like that. Just recent, that was two years ago. Just recently, he called me. He goes, Vasily, my marriage just saved. Thank you for your advice. This is awesome. He goes, but I found I have another problem that I have to work on. He goes, now it's anger. So so so keep in mind when one once God is working at you and you and you beat this one addiction, you can the fight is not over. You're gonna have to get you're gonna have to go and fight the next biggest thing. And for him, that was anger. Yeah. I want to do one more minute with Peter. Like, do you have anything to add to that? I, I would just say not not to the questions, but I would just say, even though we're not marriage experts, but the only strongest marriages are truly true Christian marriages, and the reason why I have data to back that up, and that's personal data. And the data is this: from our grandparents, none of them were divorced. They had big families. From my father's side, no, no uncles, no aunts, no, none of my siblings. And these are hundreds of families. There's not even a single divorce. And these are good marriages. It doesn't mean that they don't have issues, but they work out. Why? Because the center is the Scripture. And to everyone, especially those that did not have a background, like we grew up in a Christian family, we saw a good example of our parents' leadership and things like this. But into your life, you can make that decision to live by the Scripture to build your marriage by the Scripture. And even though you cannot change your past, but your life can be changed, and the life of your children—a blessing that God tells in the Scripture to those that follow Him—can go can start through you and and and go through many many generations into the future. Sure, I just want to say that. Amen. Okay, well, we wrapped up our topic of marriage, and let's stand up and pray, and we'll end the service. Lord God, thank you, Lord Jesus, for showing us the example, Lord God, how to keep a marriage strong, Lord. And you are the glue to the two, Lord God. May May each person here, Lord God, learn something today, God, and most importantly, that the foundation of each marriage is you, Lord. It's you, God. Help us, Lord God, to to love each other and to love you, God. And you bless each marriage, Lord. The future marriages, the current marriages, those who are on the brink of divorce, Lord God. May you, God, I say, restore those hearts, restore those souls, restore that marriage, Lord God, to where they could see, God, that it was you who intervened and blessed them. Bless our church and bless the week coming up in Jesus' name. We pray, Amen. Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Your kingdom, Your power, and glory, forever are Yours. Amen.