Leadership, Submission, and Healing in Marriage

Praise the Lord, brothers and sisters. Thank God for this beautiful morning that he's given us. And uh we see that it's slowly coming to fall. Slowly, slowly. And actually, I'm pretty excited for that for the Chris Bear. Uh but today for this service, I wanted to open it up by reading Matthew 18:20. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there in the midst of them. And as we see here, Christ's presence, it is promised. Jesus assures us as believers that he is spiritually present whenever we gather in his name, no matter how small the group. And we also see that community matters. the verse it um it tells us that faith isn't meant to be practiced only in isolation and even the smallest assembly is a true church gathering. So with that being said, brothers and sisters, let's stand up and pray. Lord God, we thank you for this morning you've given us today. Lord, we thank you for this congregation you've given us, for this church. Lord God, we thank you so much, God, that we're able to come here peacefully and to serve you and to glorify your name, Lord. We thank you so much, God, and we pray and we ask for your blessing on the preaching today, on the message today, Lord, and on the singing. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. Amen. And for our first song, we'll be singing As the Deer Pants. As the dear pears for streams of water, so my souls after you. You alone are my heart's desire and I long to worship you. You alone are my strength, my shield. To you alone may my spirit heal. You alone are my heart's desire and I long to worship you. You're my friend and you are my brother. Even though you are a king, I love you more than any other, so much more than anything. You Lord are my strength, my shield. To you alone may my spirit heal. You alone are my heart's desire and I long to worship you. I want you more than gold or silver. Only you can satisfy. You alone are the real joy giver and the apple of my eye. You alone are my strength, my shield. To you alone may my spirit heal. You alone are my hearts. Desire and I long to worship you. You alone are my strength, my shield. To you alone may my spirit heal. You alone are my heart's desire and I long to worship you. And for our second song we'll be singing I worship you almighty God. I worship you almighty God. There is none like you. I worship you, oh prince of peace. That is what I long to do. I give you praise for you are my righteousness. I worship you almighty God. There is none like you. I worship you almighty God. There is none like you. I worship you, oh prince of peace. That is what I long to do. I give you praise for you are my rightousness. I worship you almighty God. There is none like you. I worship you almighty God. There is none like you. I worship you, oh prince of peace. That is what I long to do. I give you praise for you are my rightousness. I worship you almighty God. There is none like you. Praise God. Well, friends, we're going to get into our topic, our podcast series for today about marriage. That's going to be our last series or our last uh week for that topic. So, we passed out on the way here some papers if you guys have questions that that you want to ask our speakers. then please either pass it down to to me. You you're welcome to walk up and just give me that paper or you can raise your hand, we can give you the mic. Um or if you just raise your hand and you have a piece of paper, we can have Dimma uh like you would be willing to go and pick up the papers, okay? And uh pass it down to us. So this week we're getting a little bit more deeper into the discussion. Um there's a lot of questions that uh couples ask and I think it's beneficial for those who are thinking of making that step into marriage, those who are already engaged um and going to be married and especially those who are already married. uh this God willing will be an eyeopening and good biblical advice to all of us to all of us. So let's pay attention. Um and I'm going to do some announcements because usually we always run out of time. So so Tuesday uh like we have some background music for my announcements. Um so Tuesday we uh we're going to be cooking at the shelter. So, those who want to serve, let me know. And uh we'll be there from 3:00 at the at the interfaith shelter. That'll be Tuesday. Um Tuesday at 9:00 a.m. We do have Bible reading. It's at the Disciples Coffee. It's by the fairgrounds. If you guys need that address, let me know. We do have people who come, but if you want to join, come up to me. Let me know. It's by the fair crowns called Disciples Coffee. We also have Bible study here Thursdays at 6 o'clock. Um I think that is about it. I always forget the important ones. So hopefully I'll remember them. But let's take these few minutes to meet and greet and we'll set up and then we'll start our or uh continue our topic. God bless. It's okay. Okay. So, we'll be taking our seats and we'll be starting soon. So, based on that watch, we are here very early for some reason. It shows 7:45 a.m. So, good job everybody. Okay. Well, last week we didn't have service. Um, a lot of people went to camp and um, now we're back. And the week before that we had the part one of marriage and we talked about the statistics of of marriages that fail and it's a very high number and a lot of people they ask questions but they either get no answers or the wrong answers. Um, and we want to um we want to biblically give the right advice so we can all take it into our lives and into our marriages and also share this videos with those who maybe are just beginning to take that step into marriage, are already married. Um so these uh videos you can share you can go to our website it's called ms.urch ms.urch not.com butchurch and you will find all our topics podcast series and our marriage topic. So uh we do have people watching us online this morning. and I had a few people that that wrote to me. Um, so may God bless all of those who are watching us online and all of us who are here this morning. Let's have our speakers introduce themselves again so those who were those who are new can um can know who our speakers are. If you guys do have a question to a certain speaker, just uh just say I have a question for you. Go ahead. Uh so I'm Vasili and my wife's Fana. We've I think we still been married for 22 years. Uh it changes, you know. Um every year and I uh I didn't hear about it so it probably I probably didn't miss our anniversary yet. Okay. Peter and Zoya. Introduce yourself, please. Okay. So, I'm Peter. Uh, Zoya. Uh, we've been married for 18, I believe. And, uh, we do have eight children. So, we're a big family and one child is, um, in heaven. So, seven here on earth. But, uh, that's a little bit about us. Amen. And we're going to also have our senior pastor join us in this conversation. Our other guests were not able to make it this morning, but we will continue. So, last week we went through just kind of the the overall um questions on marriage. It wasn't too deep. Uh we talked about what makes a perfect marriage. Um so so those who want to know this stuff just go on our website like I said and you can listen to our part one uh what is the biblical purpose of marriage and we talked about how it's a reflection of Jesus getting married to his bride and we as now married or to be married uh couples are to reflect that image throughout the life because God made marriage sacred and it's between one man and one woman. So if you guys also want to know more about that, you guys can go back to our topic and we also heard what was the things that kept their marriage strong. This time we'll con continue and it's going to be what do biblical or what does or do biblical leadership and submission look like in a healthy marriage and how can these principles be misunderstood or misused? The reason why this question arises because people use misuse this and I want to read it's in Ephesians 5 22 through 28. It says like this wives submit to your own husbands and that's it. No. Okay, let's let's start reading because because for some reason a lot of the guys stop over there like as if the Bible just ended and that was it. But let's actually read um further. What? Okay, wives submit to your h own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, okay guys, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. This question arises many times uh what does biblical leadership in a family look like? And I want to ask this question to we'll start with Vasili. So you cannot have one without the other. Uh if uh so what kind of leader are you if nobody submits to you? I mean you could be a tyrant, a dict dictator, but we're talking about biblical uh leadership. And there's a lot of leaders, but there's not enough fathers. So So everybody wants to bark orders. Uh but if nobody is submitting to you, you're not a leader. You're, you know, you're either a dictator or uh or or you're just a nobody. But then um how do you submit? How does a wife submit if there is no lead leader? So so so you need both uh for it to be biblical. And uh if we uh use Jesus and as example uh at what age did Jesus become a leader? Uh when he was a kid you know playing with his peers uh was there people following him? No. um uh you know when he started to feed the people, when he started to heal them, when he was was teaching them, that's when a crowd began to follow him. Uh he became a leader and uh he even came in clutch at at a wedding when there was no more wine left over and they're like uh uh his mom is like, "Hey, uh we need a miracle." So, uh, notice how a woman, uh, gave Jesus a push start. G, uh, Jesus did say, "My time has not come yet." But that was his first miracle that was recorded. And there he uh, he he he started uh, this servant leadership. So, not all men are good leaders out of the box right after a marriage. There is some assembly required. And uh women uh you don't have to submit blindly. Uh set your husband up to be a leader and then submit. Uh uh take uh uh Mary, the mother of Jesus, as as an example. Um she she helped him up and then boom, he was a leader. Um so so wives uh so a biblical leadership from a man would be a servant leadership where he uses his strength to provide for his wife, for his family. He he needs to be honest. Uh he needs to be humble. He needs to value the wife over himself. Uh obviously to protect and to watch her and then be and then be submitted to Jesus yourself because uh if you if you're not submitted to Christ uh the thing kind of falls apart. I mean your wife might submit but there's uh there's going to be some difficulties. And then also the wife, when the wife submits to her husband, she she is not I know this world wants to think if you submit then you're you're a nobody. But uh the way it works in the Bible is once a wife submits to her husband, she's actually raised up to his equal. They're now equals. Let me give you an example. Um when when a man submits to Jesus Christ, he is equal g to Jesus Christ. U because Jesus brings him out of sin. He brings them out of out of this bondage. He gives him power. The Holy Spirit now he's got strength. He's got u some uh uh Holy Spirit that lives in his heart, right? He he becomes an equal. Same thing with uh Jesus when he submit to his father uh God the Father. um Jesus is now next to to the father. So it's not a system of oppression. It's actually a system to bring us uh wicked people uh up closer to uh uh to uh to be um uh like God. Okay. And uh Peter, what does biblical leadership look like to you and the family? So I would say um I'm uh in agreement with Vasilei that we all submit and even the leader in the household which the Bible says is the father or the the husband, he also submits. He's not the ultimate leader. He has to submit to God. That's one thing to remember that we all submit to something. Um I would say that um it's important to remember that a marriage is a partnership and that um the strongest marriages are when a husband understands that they are partners and the Bible calls it that she's uh a co-hair meaning that that she's like she's a hair or um not like on your head which could be that too but maybe all your hairs but uh a co-air I mean that she's a equal partner and that's important to remember uh but someone has to make the last decision in the family and that's where the husband comes in I you know it's not a a leadership of one because if it's a leadership of one it's actually a weak marriage uh you want to have input just like in a company you know I come from a business world in a company you can have the president and then you have the VP if the president is the only one that makes all the decisions never asks the VP that's a pretty weak business like what's the point but the fact that you have the VP and I'd say the wife is the VP of the household when the husband is gone she runs the household right and um and and they they uh talk to each other uh and She provides advice um and I want that advice. I sometimes I tell her just don't be like the yes person like oh no you make it. I want to hear your opinion and uh that's really important to be able to listen to that because a lot of times she can give really good advice that doesn't come into your head and uh but ultimately in the end she allows you to make that decision. Um and and I think that's where the healthy marriage is. And sometimes if you even make the wrong decision, it's okay. It's okay. But she if she still allows you to do it because then you ultimately correct in the future. But that's how the uh the marriage uh a biblical marriage is that I find in the Bible where she's a co-hair. So her advice is very important and and it's a partnership and that's why the family can be strong. So before uh before I ask the wives uh we read Ephesians five and um it says husband love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. So Peter I I'll go back to you. What does that mean? Yeah. Well, the Bible obviously speaks of a woman being uh more gentle. Uh like for me, I don't really need to hear that I, you know, I love you all the time because I'm a pretty independent person and just the way that but for her for me it was a surprise that she needs to hear that a lot, right? And I'm probably one of those people that you hear the jokes about that I told you I love you at the wedding day and if anything changes, you know, I'll let you know. Um but um but I've learned that uh she needs to hear that that confirmation. And actually when I think about it, a lot of times we as men uh that could be that strong yet we want to hear from God that he also approves of what we do. So uh from that higher authority that's above us, like we want to make sure that we're doing a good job. It's almost like hearing that God says I do love you often, right? We don't want to just hear it once. And so that that's where uh for husbands uh to love their wives to um to treat them uh in that um more as a gentle uh we have to learn that and we have to apply that because they are different from from men. Yeah. And um so the reason why like I asked this question is because there there are wives who feel like their husbands are the dictators. Like how I said it, that's how it's going to be. And um my question to to Vasili is um when like are there should there be times where it's how I said it, that's how it's going to be? Um, and then there's obviously the times where it's okay, let's um, you accept her advice or is it always how I said it, that's how it's going to be. Is that the kind of leadership the Bible talks about where it says to to love your wives like that? Yeah. So, so it should probably the be the highest level of love which be sacrificial where the guy where the man is u sacrificed like Christ did uh he uh he put her need her safety above his. Now I do do we have time hold on a second like I actually like what you just said because you just like said it real quick. He put her needs and her safety above himself. Okay, go on. So, so, so there's a this is a true story out of Seattle. There's a couple that was running a business and I'll try to go quick. It's a long story. And uh there there was one a time uh when the man or the husband wanted to do a certain business decision that would ruin his business and the wife saw it forehead and she told him no don't do it this way your our business is going to crash. Do it this other way. Um and of course they had an argument and ultimately she stood her ground and she won and actually the business took off. I mean uh uh s uh what he wanted to do was going to destroy it completely. Uh so she did not submit in that uh uh she won and that business took off. They both did not have to work anymore. They had they had hired employees and he um uh he ran away with the secretary of that company of his own company. And then so uh who lost eventually? So I'm she did uh she was left with the family. He was able to weasel money out of and so he kept a business. He he got himself a new uh younger wife. uh if she was to allow him make that decision. Uh could I mean he could be a rotten guy and he or maybe God wanted him to be to make this decision to run his business so uh into the ground and and the marriage could have been saved. So, so submitting uh I know it's very hard for uh for a woman to do, but but sometimes you got to trust the Lord and and and do what it says. Uh did I answer a question with that story? Yeah. Yeah. Um like indirectly. Yes. Um, and I want to ask now Lana and then Zoya. How do you guys see in your own life this verse being applied? Wives submit to your own husbands. That's question one. And how did you see it be a blessing when you did submit or was it a blessing? and uh when you didn't I know it might get a little personal but you don't have to go into detail if you don't want to. Um so so the question is how did you use this Bible passage in your own submission to your husband and how did it affect your marriage? So, Lana um or I'll have Lana thing. Zoya, please please uh pick up the mic for now. Um well, I think as like Christians, you don't we don't have to be scared like, oh, it's so scary. It's not it's not scary. Okay, we love God, you know, first of all, and in Christian marriages, that's um you both love God. um you um so that's the most important thing. So you're walking in fear of God. There's nothing like scary about oh I'm going to submit to my husband. It's like well okay so you love God you want to make him happy. Okay you love your husband you want to make him happy. So um there there's nothing like too scary about it. Plus, as you know, as Christians and, you know, we do have a big family, so it's a lot going on and and we both have a lot of responsibilities and and and the on the list goes and stuff. And so, I'm thankful for Peter, for my husband, that, you know, he has the leadership role because it's a big role. It's a big responsibility, also a big burden, you know, and so God gave it to him, which I'm glad because I don't have to carry it myself. So, you know, and so, um, as you can see, his shoulders are bigger than mine. So, I'm thankful that he can have the final answer, you know. So, he was saying, "Yeah, we'll discuss and stuff, but sometimes, you know, if it's okay." So, um, we don't quite agree, but we can go with what he thinks. And I know God has blessed Peter, you know, you know, in many ways. And, and so, I'm thankful I can submit to his leadership. And and I think it's I'm I'm blessed to when that and even if it's not perfect or whatever, God God helps us through. And as Christians, you know, if you're worried or whatever, okay, pray pray, you know, bring your Bible says, bring like psalm says like um bring your uh everything to the Lord, you know. So like your heart, bring your heart like whatever's on your heart, bring it to God. Pray and then he he helps us, he comforts us, and he he leads us. Pray for your husband. Pray for your family. So that's my answer. Okay. So I like um I like Zoya said that by submitting is submitting to his leadership. So um I guess my question is do you do you trust every decision that he makes? And those may be decisions that you don't trust. Do you still submit in a way? Do you still submit? Um, well, yeah, because I know God will even God will God will work it out. So, you trust God, you trust your husband, even if you're not like particularly in, you know, if you if you discussed it and you're like, "Okay, well," and then we're just going to go by what what Peter thinks. So I think I mean I think God will still bless it because you know this is a command submit to your husband and so you'll be blessed for okay for that and and that and that's in a biblical you know marriage. I'm not we're saying you know we've discussed it this is biblical like this is things that aren't like outside of the Bible or like uncchristian or anything. This is just you know the stuff that doesn't go against the Bible or anything like that. So you're Yeah. So that's fine. I mean that's that's Yep. And over here we're we're discussing how to have a blessed, strong, healthy marriage. So these tips are from people that have already a track record of being married, being tested, and uh they're they're giving their biblical input to to help all of the younger generations and also those who are currently married. So Lana, same question to you and Vasili maybe can translate. She she understands in Russian so Vasil is going to translate for her. Um but how does this submission look like? Uh wife submit to your husband like how does it look like? Uh it's uh it's written in the Bible. uh as u as the church uh obeys Jesus Christ uh so does the wife obeys the husband. Um, and uh when as we Christians uh sometimes um hold back on certain pleasures of this world because the Bible doesn't allow and we could say, "Hey, how come they're having certain some type of fund and we're not uh but then we realize that these restrictions that God puts on on the church or us certain uh we Christians can't do certain things it's actually for our own good and uh later we find out oh if I would have done this it would have been bad and uh very similar to uh when the wife obeys the husband okay thank you we will move on to the next question So this one's a little bit deeper and a lot of marriages well struggle with this one and we the reason why I wanted to start with the uh chapter in Ephesians because then it kind of uh brings everything into what's going to come next. What should I do when uh what should you do when your spouse is verbally abusive? And over here, I wanted to also bring our pastor, our senior pastor into these conversations because he does um do a little bit of marriage counseling before couples do get married. So, he like we also want to hear his input. He's also been married for a long time. Um and we would love his input. So, I'm not going to to ask each person this question because because we need to move along, but what should you do when your spouse is verbally abusive? Pastor Henry. Oh, uh, we need a mic for him. Sorry. I guess that's that's a tough question, but anyway. So, we got to deal with that as well. So when a person is verbally abusive even though maybe there's going to be next question about physical abuse uh verbal when it happens verbally there is not much you can do about it. Yeah. I mean you cannot discipline a person that he's verbally abusive. So therefore, like it says in the Bible, um if you see a fellow believer sinning in a way that does not lead to death, what does it mean does not lead to death? It's the sin that we commit. Let's say if we actually say something, that's one thing. But when we do something, that's another thing. while we're saying or we want to do something that's is a sin not to death. So we have to pray for that person so that person actually would so that God would change them. So verbally again verbally abusive there's not too much you can do about it only you can pray for those people and you can have maybe uh counseling in a way you can come to a church and uh if it's keep on going you number one you would tell to your husband or wife don't do this and if they are not listening then you actually can come to the church and and say Well, that's what's going on in a family. If you're not seeing anything uh what's going on in the family, you're being ashamed of it, then it's going to be keep on going. So, you have to bring this to the church and you have to resolve this. Otherwise, it's just going to keep on going. Actually, that that's that's the best way to do it because we as a family, we here to help each other. We're not here to hide our weaknesses. We come to the brothers, we talk about it, and we help each other out. First pray, then have counseling in the church. Yeah. And I think it's very important to it's actually very important to uh deal with this first because it can from verbal go into physical. So let me ask just one of you guys um and then we will move on to the next slide. Uh Vasili uh can same question can we define what verbal abuse is? So it would be or verbal or emotional it would be using words right to harass to insult to yell. It could be used with curse words or regular words to bel to belittle somebody. uh to hum uh humiliate, to frighten, uh bullying, threatening, uh blaming, accusing, constant criticism, and you know, even the silent treatment uh for so when a couple is do in the middle of remodel and they get in a fight, do we do carpet or do we do u this exotic uh hardwood floors? you know, the wife wants flooring that's 15 bucks per square foot and the husband wants a a carpet that's only $3 per square foot, you know, and they get in an argument and and they might raise their voice and like you're always so expensive and you're like, "Well, you don't want nothing to look nice." That is not abuse. So, so, so when you do this, that's just a disagreement. That's just a disagreement. Yeah. And uh like in a a marriage you will disagree. If if you don't disagree then you just don't live with each other how they say. So go ahead. So and uh verbal and emotional abuse is not exactly a marriage problem that you go and try to fix. It does cause problems in the marriage but uh the abuser has a problem and he needs to get it fixed between him and Christ. Right? We're talking about a biblical uh uh point of view. So uh first abuser needs to realize that he's uh that he's wrong. He needs to repent. And it's not simply asking for forgiveness. Uh sometimes this uh problem of physical abuse comes from when the in-laws or your parents or your friends or your siblings talk smack about your other half and then you come home and you're like, "Hey, why are you always so uh you know this and this?" because sometimes uh that information your or your eyes are open for when somebody else is talking about your spouse and then you come home and you're trying to deal with it. You're trying to make him better. You want him to to change. Uh at that moment we would fix uh that where it's coming. Sometimes it's substance abuse. You know, he's a jolly sweet guy when he's sober. He's a mean guy when he's uh when he's drunk. you know, we we're not fixing a marriage. We're trying to fix we need to get uh what causes this. So, uh a drunk guy who's being abusive, he needs to quit drinking. So, uh so the victim u the biblical response would be to cover with love. Uh it it does say love covers many transgressions. Uh the abuser wants to create a problem. uh you know, they're going to use forceful words to try to try to get you to do something. Uh don't escalate with that same energy like like why are you you know, you piece of trash. Well, you're a piece of trash, too. You don't don't put gas on fire. Don't put gas on fire. Um use words to steer away. For example, like oh, you're foolish piece of trash. And and you're like, well, you you might be right, but here, let's go have dinner and then we'll discuss it some more. you know, or um uh yeah. And then uh the abuse. So, Proverbs actually says uh kind answer soothes angry feelings, but harsh words stir them up. And then other passages talk about offering your other cheek and then and then doing good things when when they are doing bad for you actually puts coil a hot coil on their head that you know they um they kind of regret being mean to you. And then what the abuser needs to be is he needs to realize he's got a problem. He needs to repent. And uh if I could use a broken glass example. So when abuser, we have one minute left. Uh breaks up glass and he says, "Oh, I'm so sorry." You know, and and the wife forgives him. Uh okay, don't break the glass no more. Uh uh nobody cleans it up, nobody replaces the glass. People are going to walk, they're still going to get cut. You break enough glass, then the only glass left is windows. You're going to break the windows. You know, just a simple, sorry, I won't do this. No, you you got to go back and fix it. Replace that glass. Replace that window paint. Same thing with a marriage. When when you're being abusive, come back. Not not just say you're sorry, but come back and fix it. And then uh can I read a Bible verse? It says Romans uh even as they do not like to retain God in their knowledge, God have given them to a debased mind to do these things which are not fitting, being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetishness, malishness, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evilmindness. They are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, avengers, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undescerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful, who knowing the the righteous judgment of God. And those who practice such things are deserving of death. Not only do they same uh but also approve of those who practice him. So, uh, realize this. If you're a child of God, God will discipline you if you're an abuser. If you're, if God does not discipline you, you are not his child. And like we read, you deserve death and you're going to hell. Okay. Okay. Peter. Um, third question. What What should you do when your spouse is physically abusive? So um here if I could really quickly because I I think the verbal one is also important. I just wanted to add some things and then go to the physical which will be a shorter answer but maybe maybe it slows down the thing but I thought it could be important. I would say that uh the verbal abuse is not a disagreement. It doesn't mean that you do not disagree and you're always just saying yes. Um so uh verbal abuse is uh basically personal attacks that diminish a person, break them down, right? And so the Bible says do not let any corrupt words come out of your mouth. So uh cussing at your those are corrupt. They're they're not so they should not even exist in your marriage. And then everything that you do even in your disagreement your purpose is to build up. So as an example in a company again we disagree to make this partnership stronger. So I can tell my partner or she can tell me for example if I'm eating unhealthy she shouldn't just keep quiet because if I go to my doctor he say you're eating unhealthy right start eating healthy or you're going to have a heart. Now, she can tell me that and I could get hurt, but it is to build up the partnership, to build this marriage. So, these kind of things, they're good. And you should, sometimes it hurts in the short run, but when you think about it, you're like, she's right. So, in a marriage, that's healthy. What's not healthy is when I say something, it's not to build a partnership up. It's to break that person down. That is against the scripture. So this is uh what I would say about verbal abuse. Um when we're talking about physical abuse, I'll say typically in uh Christian families, we don't at least we don't hear much about that because people like even Zoya when she said when you're both trying to serve the Lord that does typically does not happen in a Christian home. So we don't have any like um direct experience I would say about that. But we do hear about it sometimes. And then that is where uh you you need to separate from that abusive environment. Either you go we see uh an example in the scripture where the they were married and then there were big problems and she left to to her parents' house. It's in the Old Testament. And so you need to separate from the issue and I would say you need to get the church involved. If you're part of the church, you get the pastors involved. Uh they're going to try to uh figure this out and until the other person is repentant and where the the church sees that that environment is now healthy enough to come together, then that it doesn't mean that your uh marriage falls apart. It can still go through that. But that person that is doing that needs help. They need to be accountable. They need to be uh brought to accountability. And sometimes the church has to discipline that individual and then that marriage is fixed. Okay. Um uh we don't have much time left and we still have a few more uh questions. Um we'll get to you Vasili. So um like I want to ask this question to pastor Henry and the next one because we only have a few minutes left and then we will get back to Vasili. So, so Pastor Henry physical abuse um like I heard this like story which kind of was like wow there was this couple and the mother she she accepted Christ the father didn't so the father would abuse her abuse her and um like one time um she uh was at home and he kicked her out of the house and it was cold outside and she had to sleep overnight on the porch. And then in the morning he uh he had to go to work and he opens the door and and she's there and she's the the first thing like she she says is honey like what would you like to eat? That was her her uh answer. And then from that he accepted Christ and he became a Christian. And that one little answer he was rude, mean, but she answered him with love. Honey, what would you like to eat for breakfast and he came to Christ? So a a soft word will turn away evil. uh Pastor Henry uh physical abuse and also we're going to go into the next question. What does the Bible say about how to handle a spouse who continues watching inappropriate content um that is hurting or tearing apart a marriage? So first physical abuse and then this so physical abuse well this scripture right here it's not particularly talking about physical abuse but the example that you gave in the same way you wives must accept the authority of your husband is it to a Christian husband actually no then even if some refuse to obey the good news your godly lives will speak to them without any words uh they will be won over. So a wife can win over husband by her conduct but we live in a country if a person does physical abuse for any other reason um well if if he's uncchristian and you try to bring him to God you have to be clever about it you have to be wise about it like we had heard the um situation but at the same time you can also news uh a warning and tell him if that's going to happen one more time, I'm going to call authority and that will be stopped really quickly because right now this is not only pertaining a Christian lifestyle. This is pertaining just a general husband and wife relationship. And if there is a physical abuse going on, you can give the warning. You can say, "I will talk to the church and if it continues, well, I'm going to actually call the authority." And then there is a really serious consequences. So an husband will realize really quickly. But at the same time what pastor Tim actually uh mentioned right now is that you can if the husband is not non-Christian you can win him over by your conduct. It is sometimes a sacrifice but that's the sacrifice she made and she won him. And that's what the Bible talks to us. That's a first Peter 3:1. So that's when it comes to that physical abuse. Uh when it comes to watching pornography, same thing for that. I will read the scripture where where it says I already read if you see a fellow believer sinning in a way that does not lead to death, you should pray and God will give that person life. But there is a sin that leads to death. And I'm not saying you should pray for those who commit it. So what's the difference between a sin leads to death and sin does not leads to death. Sin that leads to death. It's mean that he's committed adultery. And now he's saying we're not saying to pray for that. You better and you better go and tell to the church. You you do whatever needs to be done. But there's some sins a people can do that will may lead to that sin. Uh committed sin. That's the one that lead to death. It's a pornography. Yeah. And a person may be struggle. And here it says you pray for those people so they would not come to do the adultery and all other stuff. Number one, you pray. Number two, you confront that person. You tell that person that it hurts the marriage. I feel like you being unfaithful to me. I'm going to pray for you and if it's still going to continues, then I'm going to do something about it. I'm going to talk I'm going to go and I'm going to talk to the brothers in a church so they can help you because that person needs a help. That person needs a help. And a wife or a husband seeing that person in a trouble number one we confront we pray and things doesn't change then we come and talk to the church. We need to really help those people and whatever it takes to help you do it. Number one, it's pray. Number two, oh, it's not helping you. The prayer not helping you. I'm going to go. I'm going to step in. I'm going to talk to the church actually about it. Well, not the whole church, but brothers who are uh responsible and and then we'll see if that person will be able to uh win over that temptation. Uh so that's the way you can help that person out. Yeah. Another thing that's why uh first question when it talks about submission wife submit to the husband the biblical submission is never forceful. It's always a willing submission and same thing everything in the Bible. If a person is struggle with pornography, how you can make him not to struggle, that person needs a help, he needs to come to the realization that he need to stop this. It's also willing thing when a person come to Jesus and say I need to be free from it. Everything what's done uh in Christianity biblically, it's always willingly, never forceful. Uh, and that's how we get changed. We're not just stopped doing things, we get changed. Yeah. And God can change any Russian heart. Uh he's in the business of uh like he's in the salvage business. He takes the the broken heart and he can renew it and he can restore it. And by the prayer of the other spouse, God will start working on that person. He will start working on that person and he will uh change that person. But it's going to be by the prayers and also how we heard Pastor Henry was saying if he doesn't want to listen, if he's struggling, um then come to the pastors, the leaders of the church, share this information so the church can help that brother out. Uh Vasili, we are already past two minutes. So one more minute. So all is two stories. Two stories. Let's do one. Uh let's go down the middle one story. Okay, I'm gonna go uh really fast. Can I have please two stories? Okay, the I'm so sorry. The first one is uh physical abuse. Um uh there was a a couple in Ukraine, the wife became a Christian, the husband not, and he would beat her up uh once he's drunk. Uh the the pastor found out he took two of his biggest guys. They uh they knocked at that man's door and said, "Hey, uh she is now a u a child of Christ. She's our sister." And they kind of kind of pushed him against the wall and says, "Do not ever lay another hand on her hand on her again. She is our sister. We will protect our family." Uh uh that touched him so hard. Uh he too came to know Christ. He's like, "There's people that care for your family." And then uh pornography. This is a experience that I had in my life. Uh One time a friend called me. He's a coworker. He said, "Hey, Vasili, I'm on the brink of divorce. I was going through my phone. Who Who can I call? You're the only name that popped up." She goes, he goes, "What do I do?" He goes, "I'm addicted to pornography. My wife is going to leave me. We're going to break. What do I do?" And I'm like, "Oh, Jesus. What do I What do I tell him?" I don't know. It was out of the blue. I uh uh God put a couple things on my heart. I told him, first of all, um, when you stumble, get back up, tell Jesus you're sorry every single time. Like there, you could read the Bible and pray really hard. You know, when you have the urge, but you're going to you're going to stumble again. So, what do you you get up, you ask Jesus for forgiveness, ask him again. Two, tell your wife about it. Tell tell her, "Hey, I'm struggling. I need help. Uh, let's work this out." uh uh find a church that has a a a group thing that that helps men like that. Uh just recent uh that was two years ago. Just recently he called me. He goes, "Vasili, my marriage is saved. Thank you for your advice. This is awesome." He goes, "But I found I have another problem that I have to work on." He goes, "Now it's anger." So, so, so keep in mind when on one once God is working at you and you and you beat this one addiction, you're the fight is not over. You're going to have to get you're going to have to go and fight the next biggest thing. And for him, that was anger. Um, I want to do one more minute with Peter. Like, do you have anything to add to that? I I would just say not not to the questions, but I would just say even though we're not marriage experts, but the only strongest marriages are truly true Christian marriages. And the reason why I have data to back that up, and that's personal data. And the data is this. From our grandparents, none of them were divorced. They had big families. from uh my father's side. No, no uncles, no aunts, no none of my siblings, and these are hundreds of families. There's not even a single divorce. And these are good marriages. It doesn't mean that they don't have issues, but they work out. Why? Because the center is the scripture. and to everyone especially those that did not have a background like we grew up in a Christian family we saw a good example of our parents leadership and things like this but into your life uh you can make that decision to live by the scripture to build your marriage by the scripture and even though you cannot change your past but your life can be changed and the life of your children a blessing that God tells tells in the scripture to those that follow him can go can start through you and and and go through many many generations into the future. I just want to say that. Amen. Okay. Well, we wrapped up our topic of marriage and let's stand up and pray and we'll end the service. Lord God, thank you Lord Jesus for showing us the example, Lord God, how to keep a marriage strong, Lord. And you are the glue to the two, Lord God. May may each person here, Lord God, learn something today, God. And most importantly, that the foundation of each marriage is you, Lord. It's you, God. Help us, Lord God, to to love each other and to love you, God. And you bless each marriage, Lord. The future marriages, the current marriages, those who are on the brink of divorce. Lord God, may you God, I say restore those uh hearts, restore those souls, restore that marriage, Lord God, to where they could see God that it was you who interveneed and blessed them. Bless our church and bless the week coming up. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sinned against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For your kingdom, your power, and glory forever are yours. Amen.